tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-58275152011-04-21T14:36:33.564-07:00checking in as God teaches me I don't get to 'arrive' at perfection until He says the journey's overvhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comBlogger1661100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-77804972960817648182007-02-28T15:16:00.000-08:002007-02-28T15:34:37.185-08:00

It's been awhile since I wrote on this, mainly because I only write here what I don't want everyone to know and lately, God's been using a lot of stuff in my life on an open scale. But there's just so many prophetic things happening lately that I have to record it somewhere for me to read later on. It isn't going to be one of my better entries. Just recording facts down...So, Christi's been

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1163662079651173572006-11-15T23:27:00.000-08:002006-11-15T23:27:59.663-08:00

It grieves me that women leaders in the church are the first to condemn other uprising female leaders. Why is it that we attack each other so? Jealousy? Social norms? Vulnerability? We're so much more willing to hear bad things about a woman and not question it than we would about a male leader, or perhaps that's only in the Korean church. I've come a long way in being able to appreciate

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1162931749838906622006-11-07T12:35:00.000-08:002006-11-07T12:35:49.853-08:00

11-7-06 12 ami'm putting this out there for the spirits in the demonic realm to see andhear. Strongman over Calvary, San Diego and demons that have beenassigned to me, you may have authority over this place and over our churchbut you DO NOT have authority over me. So I bind all the attempts thatare being made to give me a bad name and to spread gossip about me, and Irebuke all the spirits that

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1162804767650280422006-11-06T01:15:00.000-08:002006-11-06T01:19:27.676-08:00

Proverbs 251 These are more proverbs of Solomon, copied by the men of Hezekiah king of Judah: 2 It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings. 3 As the heavens are high and the earth is deep, so the hearts of kings are unsearchable. 4 Remove the dross from the silver, and out comes material for the silversmith; 5

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1162540614323266192006-11-02T23:56:00.000-08:002006-11-02T23:59:17.473-08:00

Reading Chuck Kraft's I give you authority - every person in leadership or who moves charismatically should read it.Want to read Peter Rhodes? book on hearing the voice of God My parents finally came to visit, thank goodness, and I got a good dose of yummy food and spiritual discipline. I really value my parents as spiritual mentors these days and even though in some areas, I feel as though

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1162361654168762552006-10-31T21:56:00.000-08:002006-10-31T22:17:23.366-08:00

I'm such a mommy. I have the mommy haircut, the mommy pooch and this weekend, I realized I have the mommy nerves. I found myself getting really annoyed and wanting to discipline one of our youth group kids who kept getting out of line. Phew... thank God I'm not parenting teenagers now cuz I'm PRETTY sure I don't have the maturity to handle that with grace.So people keep saying I'm scary since I

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1162106381508189312006-10-28T23:55:00.000-07:002006-10-29T00:19:41.750-07:00

Great Expectations by steven curtis chapmanThe morning finds me here at heaven's door A place I've been so many times before Familiar thoughts and phrases start to flow And carry me to places that I know so well But dare I go where I don't understand And do I dare remember where I am I stand before the great eternal throne The one that God Himself is seated on And I, I've been invited as a son Oh

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1162024411452781332006-10-28T01:29:00.000-07:002006-10-28T01:33:31.463-07:00

Sorry my past few blogs have been so unmeaningful. There's been so much fullness in real life that writing it down felt like it would be cheapening it. Usually by the time I sign on, I already know what I'm going to say and how I'm going to say it but these days, it feels like to form something would be causing something to be that still needs room to grow. Argh, this is frustrating.

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1161421068315204692006-10-21T01:55:00.000-07:002006-10-21T01:57:48.833-07:00

... it's 1:44 am and I am wide awake. The Spirit is keeping me up. He's ripping off the curtain to a whole new universe and my mind is being torn trying to keep up with him. I'm... I don't know. I knew God was going to do some crazy things thru us but what I'm realizing is that to do that, He must do some crazy things IN us first. I believe...

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1159233854011434682006-09-25T18:22:00.000-07:002006-09-25T18:24:14.170-07:00

Women only admit that they're wrong when they're good and ready and really believe that they were wrong.Men admit that they're wrong when a woman hounds them until they'd rather give in than listen to one more single word.

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1158685448013751592006-09-19T09:47:00.000-07:002006-09-19T10:04:08.030-07:00

So, yesterday, I got one step closer to confirming what God is preparing for the next level and it's what I've been sensing: prophetic rebuke and call to break off lies. It's why I've been feeling that God wants me to hold my tongue for awhile - it's that quiet period when the knife is being sharpened... quiet but scary. I really pray that He molds me through this time so that when He starts

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1158479515587009322006-09-17T00:34:00.000-07:002006-09-17T00:51:55.600-07:00

I went to morning prayer today with T & C and although I don't really like the idea of waking C up, I felt like God was calling me to go, esp after last night. I'm thankful that my parents took us to morning prayer when we were little because all those morning of getting up at 5 and going to church, not understanding the sermons and falling asleep while grandmas screamed Juyuh! trained me for

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1158388728618629242006-09-15T23:38:00.000-07:002006-09-16T00:00:25.820-07:00

Today, the pastors from our old church came to visit and have lunch and it was such a joy to see them again. Although, it's sad that they're our past, I realized that we'll always have access to them for the rest of our lives and that because they're our brothers and sisters in Christ, they ARE our future for eternity.So, ever since we started this 40 day fast, God has been speaking to me in

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1157950728859648462006-09-10T20:45:00.000-07:002006-09-10T22:00:30.080-07:00

I had the strangest dream yesterday. Last night, I watched "The I inside", which I thought would suck cuz it had B movie actors but it was actually interesting. Then, I went to sleep and here's the fragments I remember from the dream:I was walking with my friend from college to school and I was getting frustrated cuz I couldn't find my car and had to get to her husband.I was supposed to take my

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1157788384486962482006-09-09T00:26:00.000-07:002006-09-10T21:59:12.863-07:00

It's strange...how a cup of ice coffeea surprising direction of conversationparents-in-law meeting with our head pastorspending time with some college kids... can make me feel like I'm on the right track again with God.I don't really want to expand on all of that in case of future mishaps but the ice coffee one I will. So, T's parents came down to visit and brought a blind pastor from Korea that

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1157442125527905242006-09-05T00:41:00.000-07:002006-09-05T00:42:05.540-07:00

It's funny... these days, when I pray, I have no doubt in my mind that God is going to answer me. I may not know the how or the when but I know that He will, in some form or other, at some time. It's such a far cry from where I used to be in high school where I would beg or try to manipulate him into giving me what I wanted. I still do try to twist His arm at times, like when I tell him that

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1157263978239847062006-09-02T23:01:00.000-07:002006-09-02T23:41:05.133-07:00

If you can change a family by changing one family member, doesn't it follow that you can change a youth group by changing just one youth? I realized today that I don't have to feel that pressure of seeing all the kids change because 1) obviously, it is not I who does the changing but God, but also 2) that based on our past history, it only takes one spark to ignite a youth group. Once one youth

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1157093170563070182006-08-31T23:40:00.000-07:002006-08-31T23:46:10.573-07:00

He has done a great work in me: teaching me to hold my tongue.Song of songs study - here we come!

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1156846562950260962006-08-29T02:56:00.000-07:002006-08-29T03:16:02.966-07:00

I started my period today. It's been 16 months since I last had it before I had Caleb. It was a nice run but now that I'm not breastfeeding as much, my body is truly going back to what it used to be. That's why I've been feeling so crappy for the past few weeks. My body was adjusting to the change in hormone levels so I've been feeling bloated again and breaking out. Sigh... I'll miss the

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1156398179876021102006-08-23T22:40:00.000-07:002006-08-23T22:42:59.886-07:00

I just read this tip give to guys for first date outfit:"Now, the bad news: You’d better make sure shoes look spankin’ great. Polish them, remove any scuffmarks or crud that’s collected on the sides and bottom. A man who maintains his shoes can be trusted to be detail-oriented in other areas of his life, from his apartment to a relationship."Do you realize that tips like these are designed to

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1156394751211803032006-08-23T21:35:00.000-07:002006-08-23T21:45:51.223-07:00

Just came back from a meeting with some of the kids from church and I feel a bit like I did after that one spiritual attack a few months ago - like I should be scared but just pissed off and ready to go after the enemy. Using kids like that to try to discourage us and prophecy death - satan should be ashamed but I'm sure he's not since he's the father of lies and knows no other method. Right

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1156228333540667862006-08-21T23:13:00.000-07:002006-08-21T23:32:13.553-07:00

Today's colorquiz results were much less harsh than usual. I must be in a better place these days - could possibly be because that stressful wedding is over. Plus, I've gotten to this strange place where I've realized that I love my husband just for who he is, not for what he can do for me. Very odd, very odd. I say this because by nature, I'm a very self-centered person and I remember

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1155706280040930162006-08-15T22:18:00.000-07:002006-08-15T22:32:30.993-07:00

This is going to be a jumble of thoughts that I need to write down somewhere for future reference so sorry if it's not fluid.My morning devotions are now looking at Caleb, smiling with him, and just thanking God in wonder for giving me such a precious joy. I really can't believe that he's growing up and I always tear up whenever I think of him all big and stuff. At the same time, I still can't

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1154502645072205052006-08-02T00:00:00.000-07:002006-08-02T00:16:09.136-07:00

Gah! I am so bloated. (I think that's a term of frusration from Bridget Jones' Diary- the 'gah' I mean). One day of eating Papa John's pizza late at night and my sexy, skinny mommy body has become ruined. I couldn't help it, I tell you! That garlic sauce is just too yummy, even if it is grossly fattening. Plus, sleeping at 4 am and snacking after C falls asleep is probably not helping my case.

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1154338309810180182006-07-31T01:53:00.000-07:002006-07-31T03:02:12.606-07:00

There are just some songs that when I hear them, they slowly crack a little hole in my impervious soul that has crusted over with days of simply existing and melt into my spirit like warm butter. I treasure those moments because often, when I hear the song again later, it doesn't do it for me. There's something about songs that if you hear them in the exactly perfect moment, in the right

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1154323192710778572006-07-30T22:11:00.000-07:002006-07-30T22:19:52.740-07:00

C is becoming more and more attached to me. He breaks out in tears when I hand him over to daddy. I have mixed emotions about this: happy that he obviously loves me, frustrated that T keeps handing him over to me when that's why C is like this, frustrated that this means I can't go out and do my own thing. I'm sure there's more but I'm trying to practice letting things go since I keep getting

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1154247627785000602006-07-30T01:08:00.000-07:002006-07-30T01:20:27.820-07:00

Why is it that no matter how many times I see Keanu Reeves, I still think he's so good-looking? Actually, it's not his looks... it's just something that he has: this soulfulness that is so appealing. It's the fantasy he evokes that if you were married to him, life would never be meaningless. Which reminds me to do today's colorquiz -Isn't it fascinating how this thing is able to predict so

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1154158757027861982006-07-29T00:24:00.000-07:002006-07-29T00:44:29.433-07:00

So, I realized today that I've been thinking about the kids here being different from LOL but that our move here also means that I am going to be different as well. I won't be the same smn to the SD kids as I was to LOL. I don't know what that means but I got an image today that, while I was a tree in Pasadena - spreading my branches and allowing my fruit to hang heavy and drop into many people's

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1153974930911724272006-07-26T21:35:00.000-07:002006-07-26T21:59:45.716-07:00

I realized yesterday why I don't want to push my intelligence - cuz knowledge puffs up. Knowledge (at least in the worldly sense) always comes with pride and God knows I have enough of that without adding more. I'm not saying people should stay ignorant but that when knowledge is gained without partnership with the Word, it can very easily lead us to where it led Lucifer.I started mentoring my

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1153894848546590322006-07-25T22:41:00.000-07:002006-07-25T23:20:48.663-07:00

We've been entertaining this week and I realized that the reason that I put so much into these meals is cuz I don't do anything even close to that for our regular days. If T is lucky, I put banchan on separate plates but most likely, we eat out of the container. So, when we have guests, we tend to go all out but we've really cut down a lot. Before, we used to have like 15 dishes out there but

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1153634057744275782006-07-22T22:47:00.000-07:002006-07-22T22:58:52.003-07:00

I'm frustrated with God right now. I feel like I'm caught between two worlds and I wish I could just move on to what is ahead instead of being forced to keep encountering the past. I want a clean break. But I've gotten the feeling that there's a reason why God has kept me in it and I think it was just revealed that until I get over my issues where I was, I'll never be victorious where I'm headed.

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1153480536356127182006-07-21T04:13:00.000-07:002006-07-21T04:22:57.366-07:00

I've been watching a few episodes of this drama, "As you wish", where this "pretty" girl has to choose between a "pretty boy" and this potato-looking guy. But for me, it's not a very difficult choice. I'd rather have a not so good-looking manly guy than a sissy boy. Gross.So, I finally got to watch the final episode of "My name is Kim Sam Soon" and there's this half-Korean, half-American guy

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1153123139576193582006-07-16T22:22:00.000-07:002006-07-17T01:01:52.330-07:00

I haven't gotten a massage in so long... and by 'so long', I mean over three months, which is unusually long for me. I usually make any excuse to get one but ever since Caleb was born, even though I need one more than ever, my brain kind of goes into this dialogue about how I can get by without one, as if I need to prove my endurance. It's kind of getting annoying and I've determined that I AM

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1152944990483537952006-07-14T23:23:00.000-07:002006-07-14T23:30:17.593-07:00

A woman's love for her husband is an act of will. A mother's love for her child is an act of nature. You can fall out of love with a man but you can't fall out of love with your children. Not that I love C more than T. It's just very different. More and more, I realize that with C, it's when I stop thinking that my love for him is most able to express itself. I know this is kind of primitive but

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1152866089070322302006-07-14T01:18:00.000-07:002006-07-14T01:34:49.146-07:00

So, someone once prophesied that T would go into a ministry of healing but that the healing would begin with me, even where I didn't even know it so I shall step out in faith.Lord, if there's anyone out there who's praying for an intercessor to raise up prayers for healing, here i am. Heal them, not because it would make their lives easier, but for your glory. Heal so that they can serve you

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1152864279237482862006-07-14T00:32:00.000-07:002006-07-14T01:04:42.086-07:00

Reading: Don't waste your life by John PiperWhy, Lord, why? Why do you always cause me to read or hear something that convicts me? Like this morning, T was showing me the Korean game show X-man on YouTube and I was getting into it and I stopped and asked God if it was ok if I watched more of it and he said to me: "What book did you read yesterday?"... AISH! So, I was fine with that but I

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1152773183099560342006-07-12T23:24:00.001-07:002006-07-14T01:06:31.446-07:00

I just read an article in KoreAm where this psychologist gives advice to a woman who is complaining about her friend bringing her baby along to their meetings, that her friend is being rude and insensitive and she should seek other friends. What the freak! This just blew my pipe cuz I've been getting annoyed at people who insistently imply that I should be able to do everything that I could do

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1152747470299569692006-07-12T16:34:00.000-07:002006-07-12T22:57:11.786-07:00

Today was the first day in a long time that I slept til 1pm with Caleb. I know, I know. Most people don't do that EVER in their whole lifetimes. Poor saps. It felt G-R-E-A-T! Especially after working my butt off for so many weeks. Next on my agenda - go to a spa!Pitfalls of having only one bathroom: I have to go REALLY bad and open the door to find my husband sitting on the toilet, taking a #2!

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1152687113166983052006-07-11T22:29:00.000-07:002006-07-12T22:57:22.690-07:00

Caleb has been wanting his mommy more these days. He knows when I leave the room and starts crying, which really gets T upset/depressed but I tell him that's what he gets for leaving me to do most of the carrying around and feeding. The thing is I'm not around Caleb that much more than he is but I'm the one who's up in his face, interacting with the little guy. What I realized through this is

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1152645448166503702006-07-11T11:49:00.000-07:002006-07-12T22:58:24.746-07:00

I feel like I'm entering the wilderness, a sacred time and space for me to be alone with God. It's a strange place for me to be after being so busy meeting people and giving of myself. Even with T, I've been strangely more quiet, trying to think before I speak. Of course, he loves that! But in return, I feel like I want to be treated more gently as well. Not really by other people because I'm

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1152605457923094512006-07-11T01:10:00.000-07:002006-07-11T12:19:53.493-07:00

It is true what they say: the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. T is so much more happier with me now that I'm cooking again. Chauvinist undercover!

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1152601804324640082006-07-10T23:55:00.000-07:002006-07-11T01:11:30.983-07:00

I love my new house. I love decorating it and creating an atmosphere of... I don't know what you would call it: fittingness? Where everything just feels right - as if your home is a down jacket that bundles you up in warmth and coziness and molds to all your curves. Maybe that's just an outgrowth of the intuitive aspect of me or perhaps, because I'm a kinesthetic learner. I need to experience

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1152524701763727382006-07-10T02:36:00.000-07:002006-07-10T02:45:01.780-07:00

Here are some wisdoms I have gained from marriage and motherhood:Men CAN multitask - when it's things that they like. For example, my husband is perfectly able to talk on his phone, search the internet, play poker, and have im chats with no problemo but when I ask him to hold the baby while he's watching tv, all of a sudden, he doesn't know how to multitask.After a certain period has passed,

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1152174686753069712006-07-06T01:18:00.000-07:002006-07-12T22:57:42.973-07:00

Bring restoration, Lord. Remember our work and give us promises for the future. You are our way.

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1150264503311655802006-06-13T22:32:00.000-07:002006-06-13T22:55:03.370-07:00

C is growing so fast, I can't keep up. I can't wait until he walks and eats by himself and is potty trained but I realize there will always be something "I can't wait until". I need to just slow down and enjoy where he's at now. I'm looking forward to going to SD so we can slow down and I can be the homemaker. These are the things I'm envisioning (whether they will become a reality or not

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1144818538752639762006-04-10T22:06:00.001-07:002006-04-11T22:08:58.766-07:00

I was a raving lunatic yesterday. I wanted to divorce my husband, leave my baby, and just go have a single life by myself somewhere far away. I think I ranted and raved at T after he came back from church for five hours straight, huffing and puffing and giving him dirty looks. While he was gone, I had been cursing him and thinking of every bad, real and imagined, thing he’s ever done. He didn

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1143784711485198262006-03-30T21:37:00.000-08:002006-07-13T00:20:42.030-07:00

This post is for other new moms or for me, one to three years from now, when I decide to do this all over again. I'll probably continue to update this as C grows.Difficult moments:When the epidural wore off and the episiotomy pain kicked inWhen the nurses made me pump colostrum when this is no indication of how much milk you have or how much baby needsWhen milk supply would not come inWhen doctor

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1139450341328577442006-02-08T17:49:00.000-08:002006-02-08T17:59:01.343-08:00

Hmm.. maybe not. How do you take anything back? But I have realized that having constant visits by my family was not conducive to our marital health. Ever since they've backed off, thanks to my wonderful brother P, things have been much better. Every couple needs that alone time to make a foundation for their family. It's just hard cuz at the same time, you need help around the house. My

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1139296877658157192006-02-06T23:20:00.000-08:002006-02-06T23:21:17.673-08:00

Even as I'm celebrating and enjoying the birth of our baby, I'm grieving the loss of our marriage as it was before C. I've been holding it in, too busy to pay attention to it and too controlling to let myself feel it and let it go but today, it really hit me. What we will rebuild of our marriage after C will be wonderful as well, I'm sure, I hope, but it'll never be the same and that's

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1138944999570998952006-02-02T21:31:00.000-08:002006-02-02T21:36:39.586-08:00

wow... I'm a mommy. C came along unexpectedly early just like the whole pregnancy and it was an easy delivery compared to some horror stories I've heard. I still can't walk with stitches keeping my vital parts together, which sucks when I'm trying to take care of a baby and keep my house together, but by God's grace, I'm managing. I'm realizing how much of a control freak I am and how under

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1136956588234551932006-01-10T21:08:00.000-08:002006-01-10T21:16:28.250-08:00

As the year 2005 ends and this school year continues to march on, I’m amazed at what God has done in our lives over the past year. He’s taken us to such heights in our marriage, taken me to new levels in my faith and discipline, and shown me what it is to walk IN Him, rather than run after Him, run before Him, be dragged by Him, or be pushed by Him. Not that He does those things but sometimes,

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1135234992779178092005-12-21T22:53:00.000-08:002005-12-21T23:06:53.046-08:00

A beautiful moment for me: I’ve always been the one in our marriage that says “Five more minutes, PLEASE!” when we’re getting up in the morning. I love savoring that time with my hubby and it felt somewhat rejecting when he wants to just rush up and move on with the day. But last week, as I was getting up to do something, T held on to me and said in a pleading voice, “Five more minutes!” Made me

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1134197980018839152005-12-09T22:58:00.000-08:002005-12-09T23:04:07.350-08:00

I'm in nesting mode. I'm over the energizer bunny phase and pretty much, I wish I could just stay home and eat and read. I've been feeling the need to be more romantic but don't really feel like putting in the energy to create the mood for that either. Even my thoughts are coming to me slower, although once they do, they're pretty solid. ***********************************************

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1133465048360183092005-12-01T11:20:00.001-08:002005-12-01T11:29:31.290-08:00

There’s a reason why we call it “a life of discipleship” – it’s easy in moments of passion to have episodes of glorifying Christ but to truly live every moment and every action IN Him is a difficult endeavor. It takes every thought to be conscious, every desire to be submitted and every action of will to be for Him. And because, we of our own nature find it impossible to please God (Rom 8:8),

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1132470080676239782005-11-19T22:59:00.000-08:002005-11-19T23:01:20.686-08:00

1 Praise be to the LORD my Rock, who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle. 2 He is my loving God and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield, in whom I take refuge, who subdues peoples under me. 3 O LORD, what is man that you care for him, the son of man that you think of him? 4 Man is like a breath; his days are

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1132164473826828392005-11-16T10:06:00.000-08:002005-11-16T10:07:53.846-08:00

As us3 embarks on the second year of our journey together, I’m able to look back with satisfaction and thanksgiving at our first. I’ve been having a run of “needy” days, perhaps to keep me humble about the success of our marriage or possibly because it’s really hitting me, with my ever-expanding belly, that in just 2 ½ months, we will never be alone again. It’s not necessarily a fear – more a

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1131482877967256862005-11-08T09:24:00.000-08:002005-11-08T12:48:52.463-08:00

It’s been awhile since I’ve written here. I think I needed things to quiet down a bit before I could collect my thoughts enough to think about where I am in my journey. I love being pregnant. I love feeling my baby kick, roll and walk his way inside me. I realized the other day coming home from work that to have him inside my stomach is a blessing I shouldn’t take for granted because at least

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1130054926009821012005-10-21T00:36:00.000-07:002005-10-23T01:08:46.016-07:00

I am a proud, proud woman. And the more I interact with people, the more steeped I get into trusting my own understanding and ways. I have to constantly stop and take captive every thought and say, "Nope, I'm not going there. I'm a new wineskin. The old has gone and the new has come!" I don't despair because I find that I stop the thought a lot faster than I used to and I'm able to give it

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1129651643764799462005-10-18T08:59:00.000-07:002005-10-18T09:51:43.843-07:00

This should have been added yesterday -What is the spirit of Jezebel? Yes, it's the sexual immorality and idolatry but if you look at the story of Naboth's vineyard - there's something more profound. In 1 Kings 21, it talks about how Ahab wanted Naboth's vineyard and said I'll give you an even greater vineyard in return (sound like Satan offering Jesus the kingdoms of the world?) but you know

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1129618121262605462005-10-17T23:47:00.000-07:002005-10-17T23:48:41.273-07:00

Have you ever really thought about the verse "resist the devil and he will flee from you"? It doesn't say "resist the devil and he will leave you alone" or "run after the devil with a sword and he will flee from you". Simply resisting him and his temptations is so frightening to the devil that he FLEES, he RUNS, he gets away from you as fast as possible because there's nothing scarier to Satan

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1128495611605661632005-10-04T23:56:00.000-07:002005-10-05T02:14:59.456-07:00

Oh Lord, thank you for your faithfulness. You take our little bit of effort and multiply it and return it to us a hundredfold. Not by my might but by your Spirit alone.Just wanted to share a few revelations and going-ons in our lives: more personal than propheticFor a few months, I’ve wanted to get a matching band for my engagement ring. Even though I really wanted a simple gold band for my

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1128404213507769902005-10-03T22:35:00.000-07:002005-10-03T22:36:53.520-07:00

Oh man, I’m weary. I’m tired. I’m exhausted. But I’m pressing on because I can’t do anything else. How can I go back from here? There’s nothing to go back to. Isn’t it wonderful that we have the Psalms? I love it! “Lord, I’m tired, my heart is anguished, my arms are melting but STILL, still I will praise you! I will seek you!” God, you are faithful even when we are faithless (2 Tim 2:13

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1128314763780366512005-10-02T21:42:00.000-07:002005-10-02T21:46:03.790-07:00

"It is finished" (Jn 19:30) Not really. It’s just beginning. Yesterday, as I was at Fresh, it fully came upon me that I was on my last day and a deep gratitude flowed from my heart because I know it was "not by my might, not by my power, but by His Spirit" (Zech 4:6). These past 40 days, I've known that this was just my desert place (although this desert has been full of streaming waters!)

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1127830174215577332005-09-27T07:01:00.000-07:002005-09-27T07:11:23.936-07:00

Saturday is my day 40. What a tremendous blessing this last month has been and I know that this is only the beginning as the waves of revival keep rolling on towards April 2006, the Azusa Street Centennial. This last weekend was pretty tough from the constant activity and I found myself getting drained, which I would have used as an excuse to start slacking off spiritually before but it just made

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1127694081792607832005-09-25T17:17:00.000-07:002005-09-25T17:21:53.666-07:00

Did you know that nowhere in the Bible does it urge us to have PASSION for God? The closest thing to it is having "zeal" for His house and His name. Why is that important? Our culture has defined love as a feeling but God's love is a covenantal love. God doesn't want our momentary, temporary, emotional passion. He wants us to pursue Him with intentionality, with obedience, and with faithfulness.

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1127461267222840472005-09-22T23:15:00.000-07:002005-09-26T12:31:41.586-07:00

THE JOY OF THE LORD IS MY STRENGTH!Yes Lord, Yes Lord, Yes, Yes Lord! It's baaack!The tiredness has gone somewhere and the joy is back. Tim was right about it being God slowing me down. He was teaching me that this time around, He is calling for purity before passion, for total dependence on His daily manna and leading. He will no longer accept those who have one foot in the world and one foot

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1127372107933142032005-09-21T23:40:00.000-07:002005-09-21T23:55:07.940-07:00

A little bit from my xanga: "We're realizing that because the enemy is starting to take souls earlier (kindergarteners knowing about sex and swearing), we parents have to start even earlier so every day we pray for baby in the womb, we're already starting to take back ground from the enemy."Some possible reasons for my recent tiredness/emptiness: physically - my pregnancy peak may be over, the

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1127230063168883862005-09-20T08:19:00.000-07:002005-09-20T08:46:37.146-07:00

It's getting harder to pray. There's a spiritual atmosphere of closedness: closed hearts, closed hopes, closed lips. I see it in the kids sleeping at emp, the teachers' apathy, the pastors' difficulty joining each other for one purpose. As SYATP is drawing near and prophets all over this nation are declaring judgment for L.A. unless churches begin to pour out united prayers of repentance, the

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1127190377792293902005-09-19T21:22:00.000-07:002005-09-19T21:26:17.796-07:00

Not really an update except that the emptiness is turning into integrating this passion into regular everyday living. I forgot to post this story, I think. Two weeks ago, or so, we got out of our car in the parking lot and as we went to open the door to the building, this little Korean boy pops out of the door to the trash chute and giggles to us, as his daddy is watching on, "I have to wash my

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1127089932935393902005-09-18T17:21:00.000-07:002005-09-18T18:11:31.483-07:00

God is faithful. Praise report: We've been giving obediently to whatever God has called us to give to and He's pouring the blessings back, whether it be through my dad or T's students. Lord, help me to remain in faith and not become complacent in abundance.Something I realized: If you truly believe God has a purpose for you, then there's no way you can not believe that God has a purpose for your

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1126758394046485302005-09-14T20:59:00.000-07:002005-09-14T21:29:35.466-07:00

I just hit my dog. I figured I'd start out with a confession before I went on.I know I'm posting a lot these days but my heart is overflowing.I'm such a cynic. The more pride comes my way, the more elitist I tend to get, which is a characteristic I've inherited from the Kim side of my family. Since I've been telling God, "Take everything that is not of you, Lord!", He decided to lead me to the

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1126675525313458772005-09-13T22:17:00.000-07:002005-09-13T22:25:25.320-07:00

A little post on my theology of marriage. You know the song, Wind beneath my wings, by Bette Midler? I know, cheesy, but that's what a wife is meant to be for her husband. Being the aggressive person that I am, I tend to want to lead my 'eagle' with a tether or to direct his path by pushing him where I think he should go but the more I learn about God's ways (which are so, so much higher than

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1126654592631723852005-09-13T16:33:00.000-07:002005-09-13T16:36:32.636-07:00

This is crazy. This is insane. I feel like even if I prayed 24/7, it still wouldn't be enough. I don't even know what I'd be praying about. I just know that my spirit is crying out for God. It's as if, around the world, believers are beginning to stir up the spirit into a tornado and all I can do is let myself get caught up in it. It's not that I want to experience charismania. The passion

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1126577168075336412005-09-12T18:54:00.000-07:002005-09-12T21:48:39.983-07:00

I can't get enough. I want more prayer, more praise, more presence, more Word, and ultimately just more Him. I think I'm driving my husband crazy. He keeps saying "Stop scaring me". My mother-in-law is complaining to my mom that I should stay home instead of going to all these events (she's also telling T to cut off his goatee) to which I say "Get behind me, Satan!" and no to the delilah spirit.

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1126504995246893122005-09-11T22:54:00.000-07:002005-09-11T23:04:12.573-07:00

Halfway thru.When you surrender everything to God, you become this open receptacle through which His heart and blessings can flow. Yes, it's tough getting to that point but once you do, it's a freedom that comes only in dying to yourself; and it's a moment by moment process. My death yesterday doesn't make today's unnecessary.I know people think T and I are still in our honeymoon period, which is

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1126039638952702002005-09-06T13:44:00.000-07:002005-09-06T13:52:29.133-07:00

Today, I turn a quarter of a century and I have to say that this season is a good time to be marking a milestone of life. Life changes caused by 40 day prayer:Getting up at 5 am instead of 1 pmNo more tvCleaner house (since I’m up a lot more and you can’t pray in a dirty house)Spending more money (on breakfast)Seeing family more (my mom’s on a parallel spiritual growth track)

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1125619694069320252005-09-01T17:04:00.000-07:002005-09-28T01:49:51.886-07:00

Sorry guys, I'm using my blog to host pics on my xanga.

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1125417183026864982005-08-30T08:50:00.000-07:002005-09-06T13:50:18.306-07:00

What I’m reading: Matthew 6:25-34 “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well”. What I’m listening to: Worship with TYou are the answer by Point of Grace God is stripping me of all my certainties but Himself. I know He needs to do this to prepare me for His use in this season but… there is no but. I had a lot of them but His word

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1125082021588402672005-08-26T11:42:00.000-07:002005-08-26T11:47:01.596-07:00

What I’m reading: Philippians. “And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ-to the glory and praise of God” 1:9-10 What I’m listening to: ‘Prayers for Xtreme

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1124954265070735302005-08-25T00:12:00.000-07:002005-08-25T01:04:23.796-07:00

What I’m reading: Romans and Secrets of the Vine for Women by Darlene Wilkinson (got it for sister’s appreciation day at our church)What I’m listening to: “I don’t want to go” in Oxygen by Avalon. This song perfectly describes my spirit’s cry as I pray. Excerpt:“You changed my world when You came to me. You drove a passion, in my soul down deep, Lord, to follow You in

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1124869279329453632005-08-24T00:39:00.000-07:002005-08-24T02:11:19.960-07:00

I’m on a 40 day trek of prayer and part of that entails being able to hold and treasure things in my heart so I won’t be writing as much of my thoughts, maybe just updating little praise reports but please feel free to pray for me during this time and let me know if you have any prayer requests as well. Oh, T’s away this week too for Niko and so is my little bro but rather than the wedding

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1124576992435634052005-08-20T14:32:00.000-07:002005-08-24T01:55:08.170-07:00

I was just skimming through someone's blog today and saw results from some internet quizzes and of course I jumped on the bandwagon and took them. I think I'm obsessed with validation because every time a result comes out that remotely sounds like me, it makes me feel all good inside. Like I'm more solid of a person. Ridiculous, I know, especially since these quizzes are created by regular people

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1124566825706468442005-08-20T12:33:00.000-07:002005-08-20T13:40:41.346-07:00

I went last night to the prayer strike at USC and while it was definitely challenging all my fears, it was also such an inspiring experience and I got to thinking, what if Christians did this all the time? What if we marched out there on a daily basis, praising the Lord on the streets and on campuses, at malls, wherever? We’ve had so much more spiritual authority because honestly, doing that, I

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1124397284102445892005-08-18T13:30:00.000-07:002005-08-18T13:34:44.110-07:00

I have no hip bones. Seriously… that’s how I knew before that it was only food. Even if my stomach was big, my hip bones would jut out when I laid down but now, there’s just barely a dimple to show what once was prominent so I know the baby must be growing a lot more. T came back and it’s been heaven, especially since I know he’s going again in just a few days. Why would I choose to live

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1124005185432170552005-08-14T00:37:00.000-07:002005-08-14T00:39:45.436-07:00

Ok, continuation from yesterday –I stayed up til 7 am organizing my wedding pictures and making an album out of this great little program we have but that was a tremendous waste of time since we probably won’t use any of it. Whenever we print stuff we’ve done on the computer, the quality turns out really bad so I’m not really sure how I was justifying to myself the amount of time and energy I

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1124005012191536032005-08-12T11:09:00.000-07:002005-08-14T00:43:33.020-07:00

Pregnancy is hard work. Both days I’ve gone to work this week, I’ve come home so exhausted. By my third to last session, I’m functioning at about 35%. I’ve found a trick though. If I eat before I get home, I feel better on the drive back. Wednesday, I ate a Tommy’s burger and I felt soo much better and today, I had a sit down dinner at a Chinese restaurant. If T was home, I would have pushed

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1123825905165271592005-08-11T22:40:00.000-07:002005-08-11T23:14:56.483-07:00

I miss my hubby. I feel bad that while I got fifteen hours of sleep last night, he gets about four to five every day. As with every trip he takes away, I always discover I’m okay without him but that given the choice, I’d rather not be. I know this is going to sound strange but I miss him out of choice. I miss him, not because I can’t live without him or because I’ve gotten used to his company

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1123545195182022392005-08-08T16:50:00.000-07:002005-08-08T16:53:15.196-07:00

I know I’m feeling better because I’m beginning to get philosophical again. Maslow’s pyramid of needs is right on. If your physical needs aren’t met, your emotional needs don’t stand a chance. If your emotional needs aren’t met, your spiritual ones are going to be crippled no matter how much of a faithaholic you are. Tim is gone for a week and he’s going to go away two weeks later too. I

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1123405392884018532005-08-07T01:09:00.000-07:002005-08-08T16:56:05.503-07:00

I went to a wedding today in Malibu (I can't believe I went that far!) and when I got back, I was so wiped out that I went to sleep for five hours. It was a very nice wedding, suited to the couple, but we always come back from a wedding and think, "Man, our ceremony was really good". Chalk it up to arrogance, or a couple's tendency to believe their's is the best everything, but we also put a lot

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1123298305331587712005-08-05T19:56:00.000-07:002005-08-08T17:00:46.320-07:00

Yay! I'm finally well enough to go back to church. I always knew how much I received from the Word and worship but I think until now, I never realized how much I need the fellowship. Even if it's just greeting each other after service, or going out for coffee, it fills my soul somehow. We were talking in the parenting class I facilitate about having resources and I realized how few people

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1123046162307270232005-08-02T22:14:00.000-07:002005-08-08T17:03:19.443-07:00

I went for my first walk today. The frightening thing about all of this is that after pregnancy, there’s another four to six weeks of being shut in and physically weak. Then there’s the next pregnancy. Contrary to what people think, pregnancies don’t necessarily get easier the second time around. You’re pretty much programmed to have the same experience. To be like this, especially having an

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1123045352742910152005-07-31T17:54:00.000-07:002005-08-02T22:31:30.576-07:00

I’ve been talking to baby more often lately. Little things here and there like “Good morning, baby” and “Come on, don’t throw up the food”. I’ve noticed I’m becoming more interested in what’s happening to baby than to me. Finally! Looking at some of the pictures online, I’m guessing my baby looks really cute right now, like an alien pod baby. To see for yourself, go to: http://www.handbag.com/

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1122529755530541022005-07-27T22:48:00.000-07:002005-07-27T22:49:15.540-07:00

Yesterday was the first day I stayed out more than two hours other than my work days. It was nice to just spend some time with my dad and T’s grandma and eat some ppappingsoo and barbeque. I felt like I was alive again. We actually even went to the park and napped a little. That’s a big achievement these days! I even read the new Harry Potter book. I don’t care what people say. Someone who

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1122149202533924752005-07-23T13:04:00.000-07:002005-07-23T13:06:42.540-07:00

I’m going into my eleventh week and as, hopefully, there are only two weeks or so more of this morning sickness, I’m beginning to experience some different emotions. Twelve weeks, second trimester, four months. Wow. I went to my first appointment with the doctor who’ll be seeing me through this whole pregnancy (which is a miracle in itself because we have this awesome insurance that covers

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1121384290984020272005-07-14T16:28:00.000-07:002005-07-14T16:38:10.990-07:00

This is the tenth week of my pregnancy and I still feel absolutely no adoration for this baby. Neither does T. The only thing that keeps me hanging on is that at the end of this all, I'm going to pop out a baby that I'll love madly but no signs of that yet. People have for the most part been really supportive, validating my pain and sprinkling in some hope for good measure. No one is piling

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1119603499082610112005-06-24T01:53:00.000-07:002005-06-24T01:58:19.090-07:00

I’m in survival mode. I’m not doing anything more than absolutely necessary to exist. Being a couch potato sounds like a great life but after even a week of lying down all day, watching tv, yelling at hubby to bring me a drink, living has a huge appeal. I was watching Chaotic, last episode, and I realized I may have judged Britney and Kevin too harshly. Every relationship has its own… path of

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1119128201395954342005-06-18T13:56:00.000-07:002005-08-28T18:23:41.636-07:00

Oh God. Oh GOD. This is the most horrible thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. Men, shut up. You don’t know anything about this so don’t pretend you’re experts. My stupid dad and my stupid supervisor are trying to tell me this is all part of the plan. Shut up, you stupid bastards! My God… God, God, help me. At least my husband is smart enough to know that sympathizing with my symptoms will

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1118737939679848402005-06-14T01:20:00.000-07:002005-08-28T18:24:29.890-07:00

Do not make vows to God unless you're prepared to fulfill them because I just realized that all this might be happening because awhile ago, I prayed that He could do whatever He needed to to make me a vessel for Him. I don't regret it but if I had known He was going to take me this seriously, I might have modified that to "whatever You need to do... but check it out with me first". Even if you

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1118736253738938402005-06-14T00:18:00.000-07:002005-08-28T18:24:57.410-07:00

Call me superficial (no, don’t) but my supervisor’s analysis that part of my fatigue comes from being paid less than I’m worth, especially for those borderline cases, rings true. I feel as though I used to draw from this great, deep well and now all I can get is a trickle in my cup as I dip from a murky, shallow puddle. That’s not a great feeling. I’m such a quick fix kind of person that having

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5827515.post-1118394498646231622005-06-10T02:06:00.000-07:002005-08-28T18:25:29.976-07:00

I came home so tired yesterday that I was literally crying as I walked in the front door. It’s nice to have a husband who will carry you to bed when you’ve fallen asleep on the couch. I can’t remember when I had my period last month so I’m wondering if it’s hormones. It’s funny how I could be so baby hungry and then, at the scare of actually being pregnant, it’s the last thing I want. Not never.

vhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16321897284517827413noreply@blogger.com